Did you ever seek advice in one of those guidebooks about relationships, about social life and friendship? Or did you visit a website or forum regarding that topic only to find a gazillion answers telling you exactly what to do?
If you did, you’re not the only one. Many of us search for answers. Especially answers to our emotional and psychic condition, answers to questions we might have about feelings someone else could possibly have towards us.
Is he really into me? Is he serious or just playing around? Do we connect? Is my best friend really loyal to me? Etc. etc. etc.
Many of our questions come from a deep insecurity and the upcoming disability to interpret signals and emotions properly. We are insecure, because we are not satisfied with ourselves, because we may not have found the strength to love ourselves yet. And so we keep asking ourselves, if we are “worth” to be loved.
Or we just don’t know how to interpret sent out signals properly. We want to be sure about a thing, a relationship, a friendship, a status. But as soon as we want something to be true, we start to interpret subjectively. If we put on rose-coloured glasses and see things better than they are or if we fall into a depression-like state of mind, surely depends on the situation and the character of a person.
Following that we seek advice. To be confirmed, to sound out our status, to be destroyed – many reasons, same behavioural pattern: there must be people out there, who have experienced something similar, if not the same. And they will know, what is best for me.
Of course! And all those experts writing books about general and not the slightest individual topics like love or friendship. They all know best. It’s written on the internet, it has to be true. The book got printed, the author must know what’s going on.
But you know what? The only expert for the situation you are in is you! Only you can decide how you feel. Your gut decides, if you feel good about a relationship or you just don’t.
Don’t let others decide your fate. Don’t let others tell you, what you have to do. Don’t change, just because the internet told you so.
You want to text him? Do it. You don’t want to? Fine.
You want to show affection, although he doesn’t? What does the internet say? Probably to move on and forget about the guy, because he’s a player or stuff like that. My advice: don’t listen to them. Do what you like. Nobody knows him on the internet. Nobody knows, who he is, what he’s been through or why he acts the way he does.
The truth is: every situation is individual. Every person is different, because we all are. What I could tell you about my best friend would probably not be fitting your best friend.
And yet we tend to listen to advise from strangers, who probably experienced a situation completely different to yours.
There are a million reasons someone “probably” does something, but mostly one reason he really does it.
My solution? Talk about it, follow your guts, live your life the way YOU want to. If you need advice, turn to people that know you and / or the person involved. They know better than the faceless internet.